“You can observe a lot just by watching.” ~Yogi Berra
Everyday I find the world more fascinating through objective eyes. Strange world of social networking has a way of bringing past friends to the forefront, and even those you may have known but never really knew. Maybe I'm the latter of the two, I was the quiet one in the background watching peoples life's pass before me, and I just kept notes on how they were. Never really shared much of myself, maybe I was still trying to understand my place in the stars, so I kept my head up there, and away from most. I'm sure there are those that I was close with that would say I never shut up. But hey, they were far and few between, those I actually let myself go with. Though, where are they now? In a time I feel that I need friends the most, I see how my seclusion left me from being part of many people's lives. Maybe that's what gets me now. Needing someone to talk to about my pain, my past, the present that haunts me greatly. It was probably about twelve years ago when I made my first webpage. Far before this social networking nightmare that leads us through constant daily status updates. I found it was easier to reach out to the unknown, those that never really knew me, but could objectively view my life; and perhaps just perhaps they knew where I was coming from. Funny I have found love through the text, I have spawned relationships, all through this strange world. I have friends I can go to daily yet I've never met. Even found love with someone that has followed me through this world from day one, yet we've never met; a million miles apart, yet bound by text half our lives, we'll probably never meet. Funny world this is. But it's unreal. It's pictures, video, text on a screen... nothing tangible. Earlier I said, in a conversation with someone I met online ten years ago yet have never even spoken to in the 'real' world, how I wonder how many people actually read these notes or poetry I have put up. How many objective observers are actually curious what goes on in my life, regardless if their words are ever spoken. I wish I had a way to track it, to know who really cares but never shares a word with me. You'd be honestly very surprised how many of your lives I check in on daily. How many status updates I read, how many pictures I view, how I truly care even if we were never that close. We may never speak again, we may have nothing to say to one another, but just know that you have a friend here that watches your lives objectively and will always care.
Well objective observers, I have court tomorrow, which in itself is a long story. Nothing I want to do at all, but I will lose full custody of my children. I hate the pain I have to deal with, especially when it comes to my ex-wife. She never cared to be a mother before, for five years I had my children, now her mother is taking them from me, all at the hands of vicious lies. Definitely a FML moment.
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